hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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