Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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