hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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