I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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