I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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