i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
