good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
