i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
