I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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