fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
