im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
