Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
