I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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