so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize