My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
