Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
