12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
