theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
