he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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