Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
