currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
