there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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