I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
