I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
