Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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