I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
