It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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