College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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