he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
