I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize