in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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