Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
