just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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