I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please, let me fuck your mom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
