you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
