I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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