When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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