I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
