i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
