Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
