all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
