i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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