The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
