I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize