I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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