one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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