5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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