I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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