If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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