Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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