oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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