what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize