Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
