I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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