I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
