I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
