So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
