We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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