TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
