I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
