if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
