One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
