I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
