While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
