It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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