Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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