gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
