You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
