It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
