we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
