took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
