In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
