If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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