you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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