You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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