you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
