i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
