i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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