I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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