went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
