my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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