we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
