I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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