we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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