I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
