I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
