nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize