I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
